I Want To Die

hahaha woooahhh, yeah, basically the title says it all, ouh, im acting all happy, but im sad, really sad.

everyone seems to be leaving me, everyone, by many dissimiliar ways.

and such above statement are to be considered as an eccentric and unprudent misstatement. by most people at least.

i mean, even if i die, i think no one would care, i mean, u would, but not really kan? i would be forgotten as, "ouh my high school friend who died when we were still in school" or "ouh, hes just on of the hundreds of my friends who died recently, big deal, everyone dies"

even if i live, all my close friends, or the people who believe in me, are either, sick, dying, or just left me without a word. dun go away guys, not now. =(

its like deja vu, i mean, the last time i feel this lonely, was when i was 6? i mean, i had a lonely childhood, in kindergardens, other kids wouldnt play with me because their parent wont let so. and the reason was that i was a general's son, and so, u know, they dont want to find trouble, and al tho is kinda faint, i remember, playing with hotwheels all by my self, in front of the kinder's front door, wating for my father's men to pick me up. because my parents doesnt have time for me at that time, u shall know as u read further.

ouh, maybe this is punishment? for drinking? making sin? idk, idk..

apart from that,even if things go well, i wouldnt marry, i have my reasons for that, or even have children. or even just grow old with someone u love,

it all seems like a wishful dream for me.

and now, the clock is ticking, i want to go back, just for 1 minute, or even second, back to where i was happy,when i was 12?it was a good life, it was the 90210 life, private jets, drivers, bodyguard, first class in every thing. but my parent didnt have time for me tho, busy going oversea. but here i am, writing this piece which i have been thinking these past 2 days...

and yet, u might say, that i slur out the importance of life? maybe thats true,but if i die today, maybe, just maybe, i would be free.

im tired of the pass judgements, the never ending complications, i just want to be free, u know, free of everything, i wish i am never been born. i wish.

ouh and my moments of life, are just sweet memories, especially with qila, as she is the one who i unbosom myself to.

im sorry god, im just a slave of yours who hardly accept the death of the one he loves.